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Ms. Ok Just as She is...


Some how in the depths of my thoughts I have this ideal person who gets out of bed every morning at the same time without any struggle, makes the bed, the bedroom and house already immaculate, follows their routine of in depth bible study and rewarding prayer time, runs a few miles, showers, shaves off all superfluous hairs, creates healthy breakfasts and lunches, puts dinner in the crock-pot, shines the sink in the beautifully clean kitchen, kisses goodbye her adoring husband and obedient children, drives an immaculate, sweet-smelling car, and gets to work or destination at least 15 minutes early. She works hard at what she does; she looks good while she does it; she eats only when hungry, and chooses healthy foods. She does not complain or treat people gruffly, and she is always calm, handling every issue with common sense and prayer. 

I want to be this person. I compare myself to this fictional person I have created, and I fail every single day. I fail repeatedly throughout the day. And as silly it seems to get it all out in black and white, Ms. Perfect is very real to me and the time I spend comparing myself to what I SHOULD BE, consumes a lot more of my energy than I have ever admitted before. (She is not overweight, has no wrinkles, cellulite, bulges, scars, pimples, gray hairs, or body odor. Her teeth and hair are perfect, and she keeps her hands and feet manicured.) It is exhausting just thinking about her! Yet...I am not sure I can give her up. 

In my Bible study with the church, it is about idols in our lives. I know some of mine already. I run to food for comfort. Not a surprise. I did a good job when concentrating on that and my relationship with God definitely deepened, but I let old habits come back and I shifted my focus off of Jesus. (Isn't that an understatement and the most pivotal of all?) I also see that I hold "relationship" with a man in an idol position. It becomes comfort, where I go for approval, I spend all time and energy and funds when in one pursuing or pleasing the "man".

Ok, ok... raw Jennifer on this page... scaring me. None of this you did not already know.

Here is why I am exposing myself. I just started the The Quest study sent to me by my friend who loves me. I have let the book sit on my desk because Ms. Perfect was never here. She IS never here. I only just read and completed up to page 14 which seems like a lot but it isn't even a drop in the bucket. What I saw though is nothing short of God's grace and mercy to me....Jennifer Davis sans Ms. Perfect.

In the first section of noting who was walking, where and with whom, I got 2 Corinthians 6:16"And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: 'I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they shall be My people'."

God is paying attention to my addressing idols again... hmmmm... He wants to be My God and walk with me.....He wants to be the one I go to for comfort, for approval, who I spend my energy on pleasing....

I also got, I John 3:20 "For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things." (I like this link too.)

My heart condemns me. My heart says "you do not measure up", "you are not good enough". God and what He says is greater than my heart. (now to replace these things with His word) God knows all things. This frightens me because I want to hide from Him sometimes, but it comforts me as well because I am glad to know HE knows I am trying.... and I want so much to do it right....










Comments

  1. LoriNovember 4, 2017 at 10:42 AM

    This is honest and beautiful. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings. I have my own Ms. Perfect and she is too lofty to attain although I try so very hard to do so. And frustrate myself in the process.

    ReplyDelete

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